


The Real Luna Lovegood

by Cielle_Noire



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Not Epilogue Compliant, Professor Harry Potter, Rotfang Conspiracy, other conspiracies, set in the "real world", that blurry line between fantasy and reality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-08-28 13:16:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16724124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cielle_Noire/pseuds/Cielle_Noire
Summary: She's either a very dedicated cosplayer or something else altogether. Either way, she has an unexpected message for anyone willing to listen.





	The Real Luna Lovegood

She had become something of a fixture in the bookstores, conventions, and other locations where Harry Potter fans were known to congregate.  At the weekend you could find her at Charing Cross Road, and on more than one occasion had stationed herself where one might imagine Platform 9 ¾ to be. They called her “Grown-Up Luna”, but no one knew her real name. She was, as everyone who'd heard of her knew, a very dedicated cosplayer. Completely in character, always. Dead on portrayal, too, complete with dirigible plum earrings and cork necklace. Her devotion to portraying Luna Lovegood was not the most notable thing about her, however. It was merely the platform upon which her notoriety stood. For it was what she did while dressed as Luna that brought her said notoriety. She handed out pins, brochures, magazines, pamphlets, and lectured tirelessly on one topic, and one topic only:

 

FREE J.K. ROWLING

 

In the early days, before she was well-known, people approached her thinking she had free merchandise, or perhaps information about new Harry Potter content. Many thought it was a joke. Some said it was just her dedication to the bit. Others still had the curiosity (or gaul, if you will) to ask what on earth she meant by it?

 

She was only too happy to tell them. “Harry’s biographer has gone missing, and I can’t get the aurors to take my repeated appeals to search for her seriously. Probably has something to do with the Rotfang conspiracy.”

 

But she’s not missing, they’d say. She regularly appears at interviews, on social media, for public events. She’s still working on developing stories related to the Potter verse.

 

Luna would only shake her head sadly. “That’s just the person—or _persons_ —impersonating her. Very poorly, might I add. The _real_ Rowling has been missing for quite some time." She would always pause at this point, to allow 'the truth' to 'sink in'. Then, without fail, she continued, "It’s difficult to pin down how long she’s been gone, which is the main obstacle for the aurors who _do_ care about the case, but it’s almost certain that by the time Deathly Hallows was written, she’d been replaced with an imposter.”

 

What makes you so sure? They’d ask, to humor her. Or, perhaps, because they lacked anything else to say in the face of such bold-faced certainty.

 

“Well, she got key details of Harry’s life wrong throughout the process. One might have attributed it to wrackspurts, but often the most  _obvious_ solution isn't the correct one. So I withheld judgement until I gathered more information. Rowling—the  _real_ Rowling, that is—was so dedicated to telling the truth, for Harry's sake as much as the world's. Even if she had a change of heart for staying true to the story—unlikely, but possible—it takes a kind of audacity most don't possess to predict such a baseless future."

 

Baseless future? Some would repeat weakly, others with a nervous laugh.

 

"Grown-up Luna" would nod most gravely at this. "I understand how you feel. How dare she? She had no right trying to force Harry, and all of us, really, into _her_ version of future events. It just doesn't line up, unless there were some nefarious purpose behind it. Did you know that if enough people believe in a future, the likelihood of its outcome increases? The future should be free. I don’t think the real Rowling would do that kind of dark magic—or could. She’s a squib, you see.”

 

So you didn’t like the epilogue, then? Cam the response, with a smile or a frown, depending on the individual's own attitude towards ‘19 years later’.

 

“What I feel about it is irrelevant. It hasn't happened yet, nor will it. It was neither an accurate nor a fair portrayal of any of us. I wasn’t even there, and I would most certainly be there with all my friends, should such a future as the books predicted come to pass.”

 

You were off pursuing magizoology, they’d point out.

 

“Yes, I’d like to be,” Luna sighed, “But finding the real Rowling takes priority. Her impersonator or impersonators are doing all kinds of damage. Harry is very upset about it, but since the books are classified as fiction, he can’t go after her legally. Fortunately he doesn’t have to hear much about it these days, since there’s still no wifi at Hogwarts.”

 

He’s at Hogwarts? I thought he was an auror.

 

“For a bit, he was,” she agreed, “but I convinced him that he’d be better off leaving, what with the Rotfang conspiracy. He is much happier teaching. He's very good at it, too.”

 

This was the point that most would get uneasy, demand more answers. What makes you so sure she’s an imposter? They’d say, with dread, suspicion, intrigue, or anger. There are so many ways to react to such a bold claim. Even if it were just an elaborate protestation of one fan’s disappointment with the ending, there’s only so far one can take the whole “Death Of The Author” mentality, surely.

 

“I met the real Rowling during my character interview,” Luna explained blithely. “She was a lovely woman, very kind, witty, empathetic. No wrackspurts around her head at all. The current Rowling, or Row _lings,_ are positively swarmed with wrackspurts. But the most damning evidence is that she refuses to meet with any of us anymore.”

 

Well, what do you imagine happened to the real Rowling, then?

 

“She could be locked up in a chest somewhere, like Professor Moody. Convenient for extracting hairs for polyjuice potion, that. I am also amenable to the theory that Rowling isn’t necessarily  _missing_ , but is being forced to write and tell lies against her will, either through coercion or an imperius curse. Either way, something needs to be done about it.”

 

Is that why you’re doing this then?

 

She’d nod at that, protuberant eyes wide. “If you don’t realize someone’s missing, you don’t know you need to look for them. I tried to explain this to the aurors and have filed several missing persons reports for Ms. Rowling, but. Well. _Rotfang_.”

 

Why not ask Hermione for help, then? What does she think about all this? They'd say, with a scarcely concealed _gotcha!_ expression.

 

“Hermione thinks Rowling has fallen victim to the pitfalls of capitalism. Though she agrees the portrayal is whitewashed and heteronormative. I don’t dare repeat what she said about the movies; I fear it’s a new brand of dark magic. She certainly cursed a lot.”

 

Some would take a pin, and a brochure, others would tell her to grow up and accept that just because her ship wasn’t canon didn’t mean she had to go off with this character defamation.

 

But the most astute would walk away with a sense of wonder, and a certainty that they had just met the real Luna Lovegood. They’d spread the word: the real JK Rowling is missing, don't you know? Someone should do something about it.

**Author's Note:**

> It was Thanksgiving in the good ol' US of A recently, and someone started talking about Harry Potter—you know, like you do. Anyway, it came up that I don't acknowledge the epilogue, and they asked why. They didn't know that the real Rowling has been missing for some time now. I set them on the right path, don't worry.
> 
> If you have any information on the whereabouts of the Real JK, or have theories you'd like to share, feel free to contact me on tumblr @ noir-renard
> 
> Constant Vigilance!


End file.
